we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
