Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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