Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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