i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
