Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
