I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
