I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
