Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
