so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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