The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
