so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
