So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
