I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
