Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
