dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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