Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
