Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
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I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
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Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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