Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
