I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
