Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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