when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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