theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Randomize
