Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
