I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
