So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
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