Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
pray to the hookup gods
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
