I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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