Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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