They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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