i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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