That's when you crack a 10am beer
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Randomize
