Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
