my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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