Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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