not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
