We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
