Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
