she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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