I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
