Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
