are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
