they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Everyone says I win the strip club
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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