How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
