Swine flu. Run for my life!
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
