im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
