He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
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Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
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That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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