He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
