she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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