nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
