I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
