Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
