a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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