I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
