"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize