no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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