I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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