hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
