I must be too annoying 4 u.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
